Saturday, May 19, 2007

Country Day School Douche-tacular

After a long Saturday of scrubbing comps (with occasional breaks to pwn n00bz on the Halo 3 beta) I left my apartment to go to my local cantina for a chicken quesadilla, a Sol with lime, and a Don Julio Anejo back. After a quick walk through the bleary Fairfield County weather, I reached the bar, took a seat, and started sipping my cervesa.

The calm before the quesadilla was broken by the scraping of chairs, raised voices, and high pitched giggles. I turned around to find 8 pairs of hot chicks with douchebags seated behind me, acting loud and obnoxious as douchebags are wont to be.

Now these weren't Lee Hotti douches. These guys were the I'm-from-fairfield-county-my-sense-of-entitlement-knows-no-bounds-stepped-out-of-a-j. crew/crombie-catalog-never-left-the frathouse douches. Think Sac from the Wedding Crashers. On top of this, i noticed that they all had name tags that read "County Day School Class of '97."

Now in the interests of full disclosure, i have to mention, that i went to a prep school in fairfield county, and i work in finance. Both of those automatically make me a bit of a douche. However, this qualifies me to comment on such douchiness, as we can smell our own.

Anyway, I decide to not let the baggers get in the way of my unwinding, when the Alpha Douche appears. Unlike his fellow bags, who are wearing golf shirts with popped collars, AD has arrived wearing a ratty t-shirt with underarm sweat stains and way too much cologne. I'm sorry, did i say cologne? I meant AXE body spray.

Since there is already an even hot chick to DB ratio in his group, the alpha douche, after proclaiming loudly to his boys "I'm a hockey player, i don't pick up chicks i bag them," stumbles to the bar and starts to unsuccessfully hit on the girl next to me.

Now the girl sitting next to me is incredibly cute and has shown up with a decent looking, but slightly nerdy guy. As a decent looking and slightly nerdy guy myself, I give the man props and feel for him as the AD starts to ruin his night. My chance to intervene comes when he says "What do you do? I work in investment backing?"

I wheel in my seat to face the AD and butt in, "Really? So do I. What firm?"
He mentions some little boutique trading shop that has no IBD.
I refrain from smirking as I go in for the kill. "So what do you do there?"
"Uh, I work with clients to make sure our trades clear."
"Oh ok, so you don't work in investment banking. You work in Ops at a brokerage that doesn't have an investment banking division. Thats too bad."
Embrassed, the alpha douche retreats to his pack with his tail between his legs. The nerdy guy gives me a nod of thanks, and i smile, knowing that my work here is done.