Monday, December 25, 2006


"Mommy, did Santa move to China?"

"No, Santa lives at the North Pole."

"Then why do all my presents say 'made in China' on them?"

"Because some of Santa's elves are Chinese."

Even Santa outsources.

Happy Holidays.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

There are times when i have serious doubts about working in finance. Or at least as a research analyst. The 12 hr days working on financial models and doing channel checks wears thin pretty quickly. Seriously, how many times can you call supermarkets in Ohio to check on material developments in the meat department before going insane?

"Can i speak with the meat department manager?"
"Do you have the XXXX meat grinder?"
"Do you like it?"
"how many pounds of meat do you grind a day."
"I'm the one asking the questions here."
"Hello? Hello?"

Repeat ad nauseam.

I think about my hipster friends who actually seem to enjoy what they do, despite the veneer of apathy and the confrontational streak anytime politics or music comes up in conversations. I think about the parties they went to on friday night as I work saturdays, excel searing my optic nerve. I think about it every time the traders leave at 4:30.

Than i remember that i have no debt, a 401k and some money to play with, and i feel a little better. I can wear made to measure and bespoke clothes, and scatter lesser yuppies with the blinding power of my Rolex. I can afford cable TV, my rent and xbox live. That makes me smile, especialy when i'm slaughtering people american psycho style on Gears of War.

It still doesn't change the fact i cry myself to sleep. At least i do it on piles of cash.

Cotext v subtext

Two traders are drinking in the basement bar of Bobby Vans on Broad St when one says to the other “So the seller put out an offer, the first buyer put up a bid then backed away, so I came in and she hit my bid.”

To someone with knowledge of trading terminology, this would literally be translated as
“The seller had provided an offer but the first buyer reneged on their intention to buy the stock, so I came in and she sold to me.”

What it actually means is completely different based on context.
“This girl went up the bar looking for a guy to buy her a drink. The first guy bought her a drink but decided she wasn’t his type and moved on, so I came in and sealed the deal.”

Sunday, November 26, 2006


"Do you think I've become more of a dick since I've started working on Wall Street?"

"You certainly haven't become less of one."


Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Sales and Trading Lexicon, Vol. 1

On the tape:

Originally stemming from the act of printing a stock trade on the ticker tape, the phrase "on the tape" is also used to describe the completion or completing any kind of action, especially one involving the exchange of money.

Original usage: "30K shares of ZVZZT went on the tape- who's advertising the sale?"
"Enough dicking around! I want to put the deal on the tape by Thursday!"
"The tickets are on the tape, we're all set for the concert tonight"

The phrase can also be used to describe a successful sexual encounter.

"You went out with Mary last night, right? Did you put her on the tape?"

"Look at that smile on her face, you know she put Jim on the tape last night."

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Channeling Murakami

While riding the train home Friday night, I saw the 100% perfect girl for me. I was on a New Haven bound express train facing back, she on a Stamford local facing forward. Our eyes met across two safety glass windows and 3 feet of dark void and we shared a brief knowing smile, recognizing our kindred spirits before cruel fate and the MTA tore us apart. I felt a small emptiness in my heart echoed in the darkness spilling out between Port Chester and Greenwich, and let out a small, pitiful sigh. Would I ever find anyone?

I couldn't let thoughts like that get me down. I had to focus. After all, I was on level 33 of brickbreaker...


I've decided to start a blog.. but first some ground rules:
1) anonymity is key... if you know me, do not under any circumstances post my name on this blog or in a link to this blog. Not even initials.

2) see 1

3) i am writing about my experiences working on Wall Street. I will not post stock advice, "inside information," or anything remotely resembling investing advice. Watch Mad Money if you want tips. I will use the NASDAQ test symbol ZVZZT, when ever i need to refer to a ticker to keep the post moving.

Thats it, please enjoy.