Monday, August 11, 2008

Getting Old

I have a new post on Stuff Nobody Likes about getting old. If you don't like getting old, take a look.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

On why you can't take me anywhere II

Coworker: "I can't believe you ate horse! Why would anyone eat a horse."
Me: "Its a large domesticated animal, once it gets hurt working or too old what do you think a poor farmer is going to do with it?"
Coworker: "But they're so majestic...."
Me: "They're majestically delicious!"

Sunday, July 6, 2008

On vacation, bitches

I took some time off work and really have no idea what to do with myself. I also discovered that the world won't end if i turn my blackberry off and leave the laptop in the office. Who knew?

I've now read three books, gone to the gym four times and consumed more food and alcohol than what could be considered healthy or rational. Then again it was a holiday weekend, and i went to a party that included:
  1. A roof top kiddie pool full of booze
  2. A keg named Alexander Hamilton
  3. Tri-corner hats a-plenty
And thats just the tip of the iceberg. I can almost guarantee that your party was no where near as awesome as this one. I really don't care if your party involved models, Pacman Jones and Ron Mexico making it rain, a bigger booze budget than Scarface's coke budget and had Daft Punk playing at your house. You lose.

Thank God i have another day to recover.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Freedom! Terrible Terrible Freedom!

The blackberry went quiet for a whole 4 hours today. The first 30 min i didn't notice, after that i started to get the phantom vibrations and began compulsively checking it, just in case i was missing something. After the first hour I realized that i was free, and set forth to experience the world in a way that i haven't known for a long time.

Suddenly my reprieve was cut short by the obnoxious (and all too real) sound of my blackberry vibrating itself across and eventually off my coffee table, announcing that 67 messages had finally found their way home.

I was sad to see it working again, but in a sick, twisted, Stockholm Syndrome fashion, I was really excited to have it back.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

The Earnings Beard

Come earnings season, many male research associates (and some analysts) begin to rock what has become known as the "earnings beard."*

It starts simply enough. Once smooth faces will go unshaven for an extra day. Then another day, and another, until perma-stubble sets in.

At that point the associate realizes:
1) they're too tired to care
2) no one else really cares since they're not meeting with clients
3) they don't really trust themselves with a razor at this point

Thus the earnings beard is born.

*Of course, this depends on the firm's dress code, but thats a topic for another day. The earnings beard usually goes hand in hand with taking casual fridays to their logical, yet ridiculous extremes.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

On why you can't take me anywhere....

At the Big Obama Party 2/2:

Close talker, drunk and rabid Obama supporter who wouldn't leave me alone: "So, if Obama wins the primary, are you going to vote for him in the general election?"

Me (thoroughly annoyed): "Well, I suppose so.... I mean, now that Giuliani is out of it....."

The look of abject horror on his face and the fact that he left me alone was worth the twinge of guilt that I felt in being a dick.